The Dark Side of #TikTokTherapy: How Therapy-Speak Is Ruining Real Life

In the early days of Instagram (circa 2018), I was that person—the self-proclaimed “woke” individual pushing for mental health awareness, vulnerability, and authenticity. I was deep into what many call “doing the work” — self-reflection, questioning my life choices, and trying to reshape the way I showed up in the world. I had made a commitment to discover who I was, what I wanted, and how I could create a life that felt more aligned with my true self.

On the outside, my life appeared great. I traveled for work and pleasure, met interesting people, had a thriving career, and a nice home. I was also at the tail-end of a difficult relationship after my divorce. But despite the outward appearance of success, I was struggling internally. In line with Sheryl Sandberg’s advice to “lean in,” I embraced the discomfort, determined to dig deep, build self-awareness, and cultivate accountability. I hoped this “work” would help me create a life that felt better—less burdened by past experiences and more connected to who I was becoming.

The truth is, “doing the work” did lead to significant change. I moved through low self-worth, grief, sadness, and loneliness. I created healthier boundaries, built stronger relationships, and learned to trust my instincts. Over time, I found myself feeling rooted in my beliefs and at peace with who I am. I genuinely like myself and sleep soundly at night.

But as I grew more vocal about my journey, something unexpected happened. What was once a genuine attempt to promote mental well-being began to snowball into something else—something I wasn’t prepared for. The conversation about mental health, once nuanced and personal, seemed to shift toward a space of pathologizing, self-diagnosing, and oversimplifying. Suddenly, the very concepts of therapy and self-improvement that had been meaningful to me were reduced to buzzwords—an Instagram or TikTok trend.

Self-love, gaslighting, boundaries, narcissism—terms that had deep psychological meaning became diluted into slogans.

This trend wasn’t confined to Instagram. Today, #TherapyTikTok boasts over 290 million views, offering a wide variety of mental health advice. On paper, this increased access to mental health conversations is a positive thing, especially considering the high costs of therapy—ranging from $80 to $400 per hour. But the downside? Therapy concepts, stripped of their complexities, have been turned into quick, digestible videos. While the intention behind this shift might be to normalize mental health struggles, it often results in a misunderstanding of the very concepts that can be life-changing when applied thoughtfully.

This is why I stepped away from posting about mental health. As my audience grew, I found myself in a digital echo chamber where like-minded individuals validated my journey but also encouraged over-analysis. The more I consumed therapy content, the more I found myself scrutinizing the actions of others—especially in relationships. What started as an introspective journey to improve myself became clouded by a constant need to label, diagnose, and assess the people around me. It made interacting with others less enjoyable and more about fixing things that weren’t broken. It felt exhausting.

It’s important to normalize conversations about emotions and mental health. Connecting with others over shared experiences can be healing, and that’s a powerful thing. However, no viral TikTok or Instagram post can replace actual therapy or the guidance of a licensed professional. Anyone can share advice, and algorithms will only deepen the echo chamber, reinforcing the same content over and over again. Without a grounded understanding of these therapeutic concepts, applying them to everyday situations can create more confusion than clarity.

One of the dangers of living in an online, therapy-driven space is the temptation to “tidy” our emotional lives. We become so caught up in identifying toxicity, setting boundaries, and categorizing behaviors that we lose sight of the messiness of life. Relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—are inherently messy.

There’s beauty in this mess. It’s in the discomfort and the unexpected moments of connection that we find real growth.

Being human means embracing discomfort, learning to sit with it, and letting go of the need to therapize every interaction. Healthy boundaries are important, but they’re not about labeling or overthinking; they’re about knowing when to say no and respecting the boundaries of others in return. It’s a delicate balance between protecting ourselves and accepting that others may show up in ways that we don’t fully understand.

The work of personal growth isn’t a quick fix. It requires time, patience, and often the guidance of a professional who can help us unravel the layers of our experiences. There is no “finish line” where we can declare ourselves healed. Life continues to be a messy, beautiful process. Trying to apply therapy concepts to every aspect of our lives can result in stagnation rather than progress. We must remember that doing the work is not just about analyzing and diagnosing; it’s about living fully, embracing the mess, and building real relationships with ourselves and others.